You Won't Succeed On TV
by Fairy Godmoose
Summary: After two years of Tokyo Mew Mew being licensed as Mew Mew Power in the U.S., a 4Kids employee decides to confront the CEO, Alfred Kahn, about making some changes to the show. Parody of 'You Won't Succeed on Broadway' from Spamalot. Please no flames.


FG: Hmm…my first TMM-related fanfic. Well, I'm a big fan of Tokyo Mew Mew, and was devastated when 4Kids butchered it into Mew Mew Power. It depressed me, and I'm sure a lot of other people feel the same way. I'm also a big Monty Python fan. So, I decided to make this parody song, which I've been playing around with for a while in my head.

Pudding: We don't care, na no da! Just get on with it!

FG: Fine, fine. Please enjoy our feature presentation.

… … … … … … … … …

"What do you mean, nobody likes Mew Mew Power?" Alfred Kahn, the CEO of 4Kids Entertainment, was pacing back and forth in his office. A twitchy Japanese man, Watashi wa Baka Desu, was standing by the door. "How can they not like it? It has cute girls, magic powers, romance, and it promotes environmental concern! Plus, we made everyone American so our viewers would like it more!"

Desu scratched his head. "Well…that's why they don't like it."

Kahn suddenly stopped walking and glared at him. "Explain yourself."

"Er…you see, Mr. Kahn, sir, the majority of sane people who used to watch Mew Mew Power are fans of the manga it was based on, Tokyo Mew Mew."

"And?"

"They hate all the changes you made."

Kahn stroked his chin thoughtfully. "So, what should we do about that?"

"Well…let me put it like this." Without word or warning, the lights dimmed, and an unseen spotlight shone on Desu.

_In any great TV show for which you want good reviews,_

_Victory depends upon the plot points that you choose_

_So listen, Mr. Kahn, closely to this news_

_You won't succeed on TV if you don't fix up the Mews!_

_You may make brats of Miwa and Moe,_

_Or change the name of Keiichiro_

_Or make Kish look like he's addicted to booze_

_You may make Ichigo try to rap,_

_But it will turn out to be…dookie!_

_You'll hear no cheers, just lots and lots of boos_

_You may have bishounen by the score,_

_Who the mad fangirls adore_

_You may edit when the aliens rob the zoo_

_You've called them Cyniclons instead,_

_Made Masaya a big meathead,_

_So I tell you, you are dead_

_If you don't fix up the Mews!_

_They won't care if Ryou's still witty,_

'_Cause Ichigo never became a kitty_

_So we'll just look on you with pity, and break the news:_

_No one will watch our show, sir,_

_If Keiichiro's not Ryou's beau, sir_

_And people might actually prefer Blue Clues!_

_Put on shows that make fans stare,_

_Scrap the shounen-ai love affair_

_But the otaku and otome will refuse_

_The audience won't care, sir,_

_As long as you don't dare, sir,_

_To keep airing MMP if you don't fix up the Mews!_

_Since you have the show's dub rights in writing,_

_The fans will keep on fighting,_

_And sobbing to theirselves, singing the blues_

_At least the managers you portray_

_Still come off looking sorta gay,_

_But that utterly horrible theme song you must lose_

_And Dren's voice drives us insane,_

_Did you mess with Kish's brain?_

_Oh, and did you HAVE to edit out the Mews' tattoos?_

_Sure, during transformations, they are nude,_

_But in Japan, showing that's not rude_

_So to avoid a large-scale feud,_

_You will have to fix the Mews!_

_You will destroy the anime_

_If you don't go Ikumi's way!_

_So for your sake, walk a mile in the fans' shoes_

_You haven't got a clue if you don't fix up the Mews,_

_All of your investments you are going to lose!_

_There's a very big percentile_

_Who thinks MMP is worse than cat bile_

_You may be stabbed by an otaku while you snooze_

'_Cause you think that dubbing is a spree,_

_But in reality_

_You won't succeed on TV if you don't fix up the Mews!_

_To get along on TV,_

_To air your shows on TV,_

_To hit the top on TV and not lose_

_I tell you, Mr. Kahn_

_This is the thing you must act on:_

_You simply, simply, must fix up the Mews!_

_Then there simply will be,_

_Kahn, sir, trust me,_

_Simply good reviews!_

Kahn blinked. "Well, that was an…interesting song and all, but I think Mew Mew Power is fine as it is."

Desu twitched again. "You're sure you don't want to change it?"

"Of course!"

"And that's your final answer?"

"That's right, I think it's fine!"

"Well, if that's how you feel…" Desu blew a whistle, and a mob of people ran into Kahn's office, holding bokutos and nunchakus. "TOKYO MEW MEW FANS, ATTACK!"

Kahn's screams could be heard for miles around as the rabid otaku mauled him.

… … … … … … … … …

FG: Thanks for reading "You Won't Succeed on TV"! Please review! But please, keep your comments centered on the writing quality of my song; don't flame me for disliking 4Kids's adaptation of Tokyo Mew Mew.

Mew Mews: Or else you'll end up like Kahn.

Kahn: (rocks back and forth) Mommy!

FG: Yeah, you wouldn't want that. FG out, yo.


End file.
